The plates are stacked neatly inside my cupboard.  Dinner dishes are arranged in one mountain of expectation – inviting large portions of wholesome food to linger there.  Salad bowls sit close by, winking at me and smiling at the thought of organic produce.  The dessert plates hover above because I have always loved dessert- especially chocolate.  The plates appear perfect- unblemished at first glance.  Looking closer there is one stray plate with a tiny chip.  Broken yet whole.  The plates remind me of my journey- moving from brokenness to wholeness.

So what do you do when you’re in a crisis?  When your feet are mired in the mud and muck of unexpected trials?  How do you move forward to a new place- a firm place for your feet to stand?

1. Grieve.  Grieve deeply and at no set pace.  Be kind to your broken spirit- laugh and weep with abandon.  Ignore voices from well-meaning friends who urge you to move on.  You need to do the hard, important work of mourning.

2. Cry out.  Cry out in place of prayer. Insert your calm, quiet prayers in your bedside drawer and cry out to the LORD. We often can’t find the words to form a coherent prayer when we are broken. Crying out to Him loudly and unashamed helps us to recognize His Presence, His Grace.

3. Immerse.  Immerse yourself in songs of Praise and Scripture. Pour over the Psalms and Isaiah. Drink in the pain and the promise found there. Splurge on some colorful index cards and write out your verses. Post them where you will find them waiting to comfort you throughout your day: on the bathroom mirror, on the door of your frig, on your steering wheel, and at your desk. Sing along with your favorite Praise songs- this is no time to be shy- belt those lyrics out in the shower, your car, your kitchen.  Apply the words of Scripture and the lyrics of Praise to your wounded heart like a healing salve. They will offer a cooling sense of relief and stillness.

4. Seek.  Seek Christian counsel from someone who is not emotionally connected to you. They can offer objective, sound thoughts to your questions. Notice I said they offer thoughts, not answers.

5. Nourish.  Nourish your body with exercise and simple, wholesome food. A walk outdoors, a deep stretch on your yoga mat, an invigorating run, and simply breathing in and out will connect you to your body, mind, and spirit. Take the time to prepare a meal that is simple and healthy. And most importantly, chew. Chew slowly, deliberately.  Linger over the textures and tastes your palate encounters.

6. Connect. Stay connected to a small group of core friends. This may be people in your small group at church or family and friends who get you- really get you.

7. Look.  Look out and up. Resist the temptation to isolate yourself and burrow inward. Instead look out- look outward to others- what is happening in their world. Look up. Look up to Jehovah and just be with Him. Stay away from the Enemy’s pit of blame and what-ifs.

8. Write.  Even if you do not fancy yourself a ‘journal-er,’ record your thoughts, emotions, and prayers. After time has passed, revisit your words. You will marvel at how far God has brought you.

9. Trust.  Begin to trust your heart and body once again. Sometimes this means listening to the way you speak to yourself inside your head. Is the tone you use kind? Are you compassionate? Do you offer your spirit forgiveness instead of blame?

10. Cast.  Cast your crystal ball to the side. Stop yourself from walking down the path of gazing into the future. Stay Here, in the Now. Put your arm around Today and hold this gift close.

Opening the cupboard, I gaze at the elegant white dishes.  My eye rests on the chipped plate.  I take it out and hold it carefully. Lovingly I place it on the table. It is broken yet beautifully whole. Just like each of us. I think it’s time for dessert.

Colossians 2:10: “…..and in Christ you have been brought to wholeness…”

Face Down. A phrase that can be interpreted so many ways.  One might fall face down to the ground- ouch.   You might be asked to turn your cards ‘face down’ during a heated game of poker- well, okay I don’t know how to play poker- so insert ‘UNO’ here instead. When proctoring a test, every teacher worth his or her grain of salt usually begins with the ominous instruction, “Leave your paper ‘face down,’ until I ask you to turn it over.”  That one makes me feel a bit queasy.

The official definition of ‘face down’ from the Free Dictionary reads:

1. To position something so that its front surface is oriented downward.
2. To confront someone or something in a resolute or determined manner.

Recently, I experienced an afternoon that began with the simple yet oh so complicated direction: “Untie your gown and lie ‘face down.’ Place your breasts in the spaces and rest your forehead as if you were getting a massage.”  Trust me, this machine doesn’t look like any piece of equipment I have ever encountered when getting a massage. I had entered “The Magnet Room,” the room for MRIs. It has been 3 years- yay-three years ladies and gentlemen- since my bilateral mastectomy and reconstruction. Time to check the integrity of my ‘girls.’ The technician asked me if I would like music in my headphones. After settling on 104.9, she handed me a cute little squeeze ball in case – the technician’s words now: “In case you can’t make it through.  Squeeze it and I’ll come back in the room and we’ll stop.” One last instruction: “Stretch your arms out in front of you.”

And so I comply. I am ‘face down.’ We begin with 20 minutes of pictures with no movement. Complete stillness- arms outstretched. The clanging comes and goes- growing in volume as the minutes tick by. As the clanging ebbs and flows, I can hear the lyrics of a contemporary Christian song. I focus on the words and my breath. In through my nose, out through my nose. Yoga actually comes in handy. I strain to hear the lyrics at times. My mind embraces the thought that this MRI is a metaphor for Life.  The world, everyday stressors, our own agendas become the clanging din that threatens to drown out the beautiful symphony of Jesus’ voice calling to us- beckoning us to just be still with Him. Just Be.

I make it through the first 20 minutes. Next, my technician injects the dye into my IV. It is a cool sensation running down my arm. My arms that are outstretched and oh so still. Our last 15 minutes will be a barrage of pictures taken with the contrast dye in place. Lying ‘face down,’ I land on the analogy of facing down my fear- confronting the Big ‘C’ in a resolute, determined manner. Just like the Free Dictionary says.

The 15 minutes end. I made it!  I did not need to squeeze that ‘just in case ball.’ I grin to myself. The technician helps me out and like a nurturing mother makes sure my gown is tied and my dignity intact. As I head back to the dressing room, my spirit messages my mind that yes- I was ‘face down.’ I was positioned so that my front surface was oriented downward. I confronted the Big ‘C’- looked him square in the eye and did not need to look away.

I rub my arms- they’re a bit stiff from remaining outstretched for so long. My soul ponders those arms. My arms outstretched in total surrender, my body lying ‘face down.’ Before my God- completely surrendered. Trusting Him, Yielding to Him, Surrendering to Him. ‘Face down’ and yet my soul stands. Thank you Jesus.

Job 11:13-15

Surrender Your Heart to God

Lists…. We all make them- grocery lists, honey-do lists, Christmas lists, the pros and cons list, and the inevitable Bucket List. When I turned the calendar page to the big 5-0, my mind went into Bucket List overdrive. Traveling overseas, eating lobster, taking a hot air balloon ride, raising a litter of puppies- the possibilities seemed endless.  Then out of left field my Bucket List was derailed by four simple words: “You have breast cancer.” I quietly put the Bucket List away, hunkered down, and moved into survival mode. And now, thanks to breast cancer, it is time for a new and improved Bucket List. Here goes…

1.  Thrive for many, many years cancer-free and leave this earth as a very old- but active- woman. (preferably in my sleep cradled in my husband’s strong arms)
2. Know the joy of becoming a grandmother- Nana, Mimi, Abuela, Bibbi.   I’m not sure of my title just yet.
3. Rent a deluxe RV and travel west- seeing all the sights along the way and taking in The Grand Canyon.
4. Publish a book and have people actually read it.
5. Share Jesus boldly and take as many people to Heaven with me as I can.
6. Cook one absolutely incredible gourmet meal followed by a decadent dessert.
7. Watch all four of my children come to know Jesus Christ as their Savior.
8. Have my own vegetable garden.
9. Move to the country and savor the shade of tall trees and the peace of a front porch.
10. Start a Book Club.
11. Renew my wedding vows.
12. Just Be.