As you recover from breast cancer treatment you find yourself questioning just about everything.  Your decision-making, your motives, your beliefs, your loved ones, your doctor’s recommendations- everything comes under the microscope of your thoughts. Sometimes the microscope’s lens is fuzzy; other times the image is crystal clear.

One crisp fall morning my new friend asked me a question.  The question was simple yet so complicated.  The question was pointed yet subtly gentle.  This question seemed like a cliche’ yet also stopped me in my tracks with its intensity.

She looked into my face and asked, “Do you trust God?  Do you believe that no matter how this turns out, no matter what happens, He’s got your back?”  I looked at my friend.  I started to speak, stuttered a little, and then fell silent.

I put this big question on the shelf of my mind for a while.  I didn’t want to look at it. I was afraid to answer.  I knew God loved me. I knew He didn’t give me breast cancer but He did allow it. I knew He had a plan for my life.  But did I trust Him? Did I believe with every fiber of my being that He had my back?

As the pages of my calendar turned, I took the question off the shelf.  Dusting it off, I examined all the angles and planes.  Smooth angles, rough edges, whispered conversations with my God.  It has been a journey- a journey that really doesn’t have a final destination.

Every day I make a conscious choice.  A choice to say, “Yes, I do trust my God. I know deep in my soul that no matter what happens in life, He has my back. He will never overlook me.  He will never dismiss my thoughts.  He will never become angry with my doubts. He will never abandon me.”

His Hand will never let go of mine.  He is always with me. He protects me. He listens to me. He can take every doubt, every anxious thought, every hard moment and transform my question mark into something strong and beautiful- an exclamation point.