October’s 31 days have come and gone…and I made it!  I have to say this October was much easier to march through than last year.  I think this means I am healing- not just on the outside- but on the inside too.

My plastic surgeon told me that having a bilateral mastectomy and reconstructive surgery produces post-traumatic stress in many women.  A very fancy way of saying the experience sends you spiraling down into a cavern- it’s dark, it’s frightening, it’s lonely.  You have to find a way to light a torch in the cavern and look for signposts that lead to the nearest exit.  Proximity to the exit is not always the best option.  You need to maneuver all the twists and turns in this cavern; otherwise, you find yourself having to doubleback and traverse a tricky bend once again.

Signposts along the way vary for every woman:  getting fitted for a beautiful, sexy bra, lying on your stomach with no fear of deflating your new friends- :), raising both arms overhead as you praise God and sing in the shower, seeing your Christian counselor for the last time and praying you never need this new friend again, being with your husband and feeling relaxed and may I say a bit naughty, and the list goes on.  Perhaps one of the most startling signposts is the moment you realize you feel like yourself in your body once again.  Your implants have become part of you- you feel relaxed, peaceful, “normal”- a new normal.  The cavern seems like a distant memory, tucked away in your subconscious.  It’s still there, but now all the lights are on.