It started quietly. I almost missed it. Just a ripple at first, then a small wave, and soon a tsunami. The edges of my life, jagged and worn, didn’t seem to fit as the corner pieces of my existence. It was as if someone had picked the box of puzzle pieces up and began shaking them until chaos reigned. The shapes and colors of the pieces were out of focus and no longer matched the spirit within.
The thoughts swirling inside my head were loud, fast, and scattered. The woman I used to be watched in disbelief as I sat in the rubble. Sifting through the ashes with my fingers, I held the me who resided there. Mommy, Teacher, People Pleaser, Guilt Carrier, Regret Keeper. She looked so young to me as I held her hand, a little unsure of herself, and trying. Always trying so hard.
Placing the ashes carefully in a beautiful box, I looked up at the night sky. The stars were peeking through and light washed over me. I felt my God’s Presence and heard Him whisper. I followed his loving instruction and displayed the beautiful box where I could be reminded, but not overtaken by where I’d been. He brushed my knees off, offered His Hand, and pointed to a path up ahead.
I can only see a few steps ahead of me on the path. But I move forward regardless. He doesn’t leave me. He is my steady hand as I stumble over tree roots and follow the twists and turns along the way. I laugh as I comprehend what He is teaching me. It is time for a re-boot. The debris was necessary for the remaking. He will use some of the ashes for the reshaping and hand me new corner pieces with vibrant colors and softened edges.
I’m glad I didn’t miss it. I’m delighted He didn’t leave me as is. Every fear, every ache, every scar is a glorious part of the remaking. Remaking: a verb, a present participle, no less. Present, Here, Now. A new and different version. I smile- I can’t wait to get to know her.
“See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up;
Do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness,
and streams in the wasteland.”
-Isaiah 43:19