It’s been growing- not a gnawing, worrisome feeling but instead a whisper of restlessness, an undercurrent of discomfort. I’m not sure when it started exactly or when I became aware of its presence. But it’s here- causing me to think deeper, bite my bottom lip more often, and look up into the heavens longingly. It’s Time.  I’m not sure about Time. I’m not sure I’m using my allotted days well.  Let me rephrase that- I’m not sure I’m using my allotted days in an engaging, beautiful way. So here I am trying to decipher what I want to do with my Time- whether I have 5 years or 50- I want my days to count, to be filled with purpose, joy,  and laughter.

As Bob Goff says, “What pings you? … What’s your next step? I don’t know for sure, because for everyone it’s different, but I bet it involves choosing something that already lights you up. Something you already think is beautiful or lasting and meaningful. Pick something you aren’t just able to do; instead pick something you feel like you were made to do, and then do lots of that.”

For decades I carved my identity from the mantle of motherhood and teaching.  The three home-grown children are…well…grown. I stepped out of the classroom almost three years ago.  Teaching young children was all-consuming, rewarding, and delightful- most days. That chapter of my life was meaningful- packed with purpose- and while I loved those days- that chapter has ended. And amazingly, I am okay with that. I am ready for a new story. But what is the title?

I love writing- maybe I will become an author. I love helping people- maybe I will become a counselor. I love my God- perhaps I will travel the country and share His Word with women over 50- because women over 50 are my favorite.  I am falling in love with exercise- maybe I will train for a competition.

Time has a way of dancing to its own temp0 and I want to keep in step- I don’t want to run out of Time. So, I am taking stock.  I am listening to that whisper, I am heeding that discomfort. I am growing up.

As Maya Angelou said, “Most people don’t grow up. Most people age. They find parking spaces, honor their credit cards, get married, have children and call that maturity. What that is, is aging.”

So, if you see me at the grocery, the gym, or church and I am biting my lip with a quizzical look on my face- don’t mind me- I am taking that next step.  And I might just shout, “Ping!”